George Carlin’s Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we
like to get old is
when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old,
you’re so excited about
aging that you think in fractions.

“How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!” You’re never
thirty-six and a
half. You’re four and a half, going on five!

That’s the key.

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back.
You jump to the next
number, or even a few ahead.

“How old are you?” “I’m gonna be 16!” You could be 13,
but hey, you’re gonna
be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . .
you become 21. Even the
words sound like a ceremony . . YOU BECOME 21.
YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there?
Makes you sound like bad
milk! . He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no
fun now, you’re just
a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on! the brakes, it’s all slipping away.
Before you know it, you
REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you
would!

So you BECOME 2 1, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE
it to 60.

You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After
that it’s a day-by-day
thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete
cycle; you HIT lunch; you
TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start
going backwards; “I Was
JUST 92.”

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100,
you become a little
kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age,
weight and height. Let
the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay
them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you
down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer,
crafts, gardening,
whatever. Never let the brain idle! . ” An idle mind
is the devil’s
workshop.” And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp
for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The
only person who is
with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while
you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, Whether it’s
family, pets,
keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home
is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If
it is unstable,
improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get
help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall,
even to the next county;
to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at
every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments
that take our breath away.